Miller Lite Celebrates Milwaukee Brewers Championship With Clinch Cans

MILWAUKEE. Days after the Milwaukee Brewers won the first World Series title in franchise history, lifelong fan Kevin Dombrowski, 41, was reportedly stunned Monday to learn that the team is named after beer and not, as he had assumed since 1992, coffee.

“I always figured it was a coffee thing. Like, early morning, hard work, the grind,” said Dombrowski, standing outside a brewery that has sat roughly three miles from his house his entire life. “I’ve been bringing a thermos of French roast to every game. I thought I was showing team spirit.”

The revelation came when a local brewer announced it had canned the very beer being produced at the moment of the final out. Dombrowski said he read the announcement twice, then asked his wife why a beer company cared so much about a baseball team.

“She looked at me like I’d told her the lake was a swimming pool,” he said. “Then she pointed at the logo, the stadium, the name of my street and a framed photo of my grandfather holding a six-pack, and said, ‘Kevin. Kevin, it’s the beer.’”

Friends confirmed Dombrowski had previously defended his theory by noting that the team’s fans are “very awake.” He also believed the sausages running between innings were a promotion for a breakfast restaurant.

Historians note the team takes its name from Milwaukee’s brewing heritage, a fact printed on roughly 40 percent of all objects in the city. The other 60 percent are cheese.

At press time, Dombrowski had reserved a commemorative can, which he said he plans to drink tomorrow morning, “with a splash of cream, like a normal person.”