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WellnessSatire

People 'Bathe' In Nature To Get Respite From Chaotic News Cycle

Real headline via AP via AOL News

Americans Seeking Break From News Cycle Now Hauling Clawfoot Tubs Into National Forests

Illustration. FAQS News does not have photographers, only optimism.

ASHEVILLE, NC. Hoping to find respite from a chaotic news cycle, a growing number of Americans are taking up nature bathing, a wellness trend that, based on what rangers are finding, most people have interpreted extremely literally.

“I came out here to disconnect,” said Denise Harwell, 47, seated in a 300-pound cast iron tub she and her brother-in-law carried two miles up a ridge trail. “The water’s cold and there’s a beetle in it, but I haven’t checked my phone in almost an hour.”

Forest Service officials say they have recovered 68 bathtubs, 14 rubber ducks and one hot tub that a family in Ohio apparently ran off a generator for an entire weekend.

Experts recommend that anyone hoping to escape the news simply walk among trees, though most bathers said they were unwilling to try anything that untested.

The real story

“People 'bathe' in nature to get respite from chaotic news cycle”
Read it at AP via AOL News. Everything above this box is satire.